My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need moral support for this bender
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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