I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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