Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
