Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
