I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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