So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
