There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
