The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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