i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
