"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
