So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
did i walk over a car last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
