Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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