I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize