It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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