Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
