Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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