Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize