Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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