Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
