I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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