Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
