he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
