im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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