i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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