The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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