The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need to sanitize my soul.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
