I'm going to jail i love you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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