just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
