I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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