So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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