At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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