i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
