I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
