I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
