tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
