I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
