Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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