In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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