Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
