Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
