Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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