last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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