i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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