When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
