my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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