Your dad touched me again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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