I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
