yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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