I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
