Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
