Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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