I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
