just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
