did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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