If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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