my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
