So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
