I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize