the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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