I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
