I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
