if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
