Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
