2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
