Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
