on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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