you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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