Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bring money and cleavage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
