I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
