Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she told me i tasted like america
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
