Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
