Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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