Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
